13RW Rape
How '13 Reasons
Why' Depicts Rape Differently From Other TV Shows When I was 16, I was raped
It is not a particularly unique fact,
unfortunately, as RAINN
estimates
Sometimes the trigger is general; I'll hear of another sexual assault in the news, and instantly remember my own. There are other times, however, like the scenes in the new Netflix show 13 Reasons Why, where the trigger is specific, and I see myself reflected on the screen. I know that I am not alone, either. 13 Reasons Why follows a group of high school students as they piece together a story as it is described on a series of tapes by a girl named Hannah, who died by suicide. On the tapes, she recalls how classmates sexually harassed her in the hallway, and spread rumors and objectified her and other girls at the school. In two of the episodes, things escalate severely: she witnesses a friend, who was blackout drunk, being raped at a party by a football player named Bryce; she is later raped by him at a party he threw, too. The show reaches its climax when Clay, one of Hannah's former classmates, convinces Bryce to admit that what he did was rape — "if that's what you want to call it," he sneers, maintaining that Hannah "wanted it," even though the audience can visibly see her struggle in her flashback. She later tries to tell a school counselor about it, but because she did not overtly say "no," her confidante questions if the experience was rape or simply a sexual encounter that she regrets. Not saying no, however, is not saying
yes. Not
saying no is not consent
It's clear that both Hannah and
Jessica, the girl who was too drunk to consent, were raped.
Yet what is less clear from the rather open ending is
whether Bryce will face consequences for his actions, and
why the other students who know about the assaults do not
come forward with the information. Ostensibly, it is to
protect either Jessica or Bryce — or both — or
because they are worried about their own involvement in
mistreating Hannah. Like Mr. Porter the counselor, some of
the students question whether Hannah's tapes are telling the
truth, in part because they don't want it to be true. (For
much of the series, Jessica maintains that Hannah is lying,
and is enabled by her boyfriend, who tried and failed to
stop Bryce from assaulting her.) It is important to
understand that the point of the show is not to question a
victim's story, but to throw into relief the responsibility
of other people to be upstanders, and do their part
to
stop sexual assault when they see it
Sexual assault isn't the only issue that 13 Reasons Why tackles; the story, based on the book by Jay Asher, details a number of issues that millions of teens face every day. However, the assaults in particular aren't plot points so much as they are two of the key focal points of the plot. The fact that they are unflinching in their depiction is reflected in the trigger warnings that appear on screen before each of the episodes in question (a third trigger warning is issued in the episode where Hannah dies); and the scenes, I imagine, would be hard to watch even if you never experienced sexual assault yourself. They are designed to be uncomfortable. Rape is an uncomfortable topic. It never should be a comfortable one, either. The minute it becomes easy to talk about is the minute we've become desensitized to its violence. A storyline that centers on rape is a
marked departure from the way Hollywood usually approaches
the subject. A
December 2016 story
Shows that are able to constructively
discuss rape are still few and far between, despite the fact
that it seems to be a go-to story device for much of
Hollywood. The 2016
show Sweet/Vicious
13 Reasons Why debuted on Netflix the same way many of the original programming on the service debuts: as an entire season, enabling viewers to binge-watch the episodes in a day or a weekend. But the show is difficult to get through, especially if you have experience with any of the subjects discussed in the episodes. One friend texted me that she was taking a break between episodes, and might abandon the series altogether because she was associating it with memories from her own assault. Another watched the entire season in a day, but expressed feeling deeply unsettled after doing so. I had to fast-forward through certain scenes, or go for a run between episodes, or sleep things off. Even so, I saw myself in Hannah, and in Jessica. I saw myself in Hannah's fears about being intimate with anyone at all, and I saw myself in Clay's desire to set things straight. But I also wondered how many viewers saw themselves in the kids who didn't do anything at all, either to stop sexual harassment when they could, or to tell someone about it when they knew about it. It didn't sit well with me. It's not supposed to. There are a
number of issues
When I was raped, I didn't know that
what happened to me wasn't my fault. I was drunk and at a
party. I had been flirting with the guy who would become my
rapist earlier that night. I was surrounded by friends, and
thought that if something was wrong, they would have
intervened. They did not, but that did not make my assault
any less wrong. There is no such thing as "less wrong."
There is harassment, and assault, and one can
often
lead to the other Because even one person is too much. Every day, victims of sexual assault will be faced with reliving their experiences over and over for the rest of their lives. You can cope, and seek help — and if you have been assaulted, I sincerely hope you do — but even something as simple as turning on a television, or reading a newspaper headline, could remind you of your own story. It's a difficult world to live in. For me, knowing that other people understood did not make it better, but made me feel less alone. And it made me feel like I could tell my story, and that people would listen. If 13 Reasons Why helps give someone the strength to tell their own, then that is one less person who feels like they need to keep that awful, painful secret to themselves. I was raped. It is a fact abut me, and it has informed a lot of who I am as a person and how I approach my relationships now. But it is not a reflection of my character, or in any way my fault. And if you are reading this and are still wondering if you are somehow to blame for your own story, know that you aren't. It was not your fault. It never will be. And you are not alone. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can seek help by calling the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673). If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text Crisis Text Line at 741741. For more resources on sexual assault,
visit
RAINN Why '13 Reasons
Why' Can Be Triggering for People Coping With Mental Illness
Shannon Purser hit home for some with her tweet Monday night reading, “I would advise against watching 13 Reasons Why if you currently struggle with suicidal thoughts or self-harm/have undergone sexual assault." The amount of support she’s received on Twitter since has been truly inspiring. I agree with Shannon. 13 Reasons Why reveals what it’s like to feel suicidal to some, but for others, it's something they actually have to deal with every day. Since writing my last article about 13 Reasons Why, I’ve had a lot of insightful conversations with many people regarding mental health. I met a couple of friends for ice cream one night and they told me that they’re binge-watching the new series, then paused when I expressed to them how badly it hit home for me. It wasn’t until a couple days later when one of them said to me, “I’ve been thinking about how you said you struggled watching 13 Reasons Why, and now I don’t understand how people can watch it unfazed.” At the end of the day, while the idea of someone wanting to take their own life might be new or uncomfortable for some, it’s a very scary reality for others. I was in a dark place for some time throughout high school after multiple people in my life died by suicide. I always felt different from those around me, as if when people spoke to me they were simply looking at a casing of a broken soul that no one wanted to believe was hurting so badly. I remember telling myself, "This has to be depression; if not, I don’t know what’s wrong with me." I held on to this feeling for a little over a year before getting help, creating artwork about suicide, bullying, feeling alone, sexual assault, and different mental illnesses — work depicting important topics often glossed over — similar to Hannah Baker’s poem and the discussion questions brought up in her class. In one of the season’s last episodes, we hear Hannah’s poem expressing her desires to disappear forever, a poem that was admired by her classmates, but tragically overlooked. This is where the punch in the heart comes back while watching the show. The feeling of, Ugh, I remember when that was me, or even I feel that way, too. Scenes I’ve spotted throughout the series depicting a potentially triggering experience for unstable viewers are the multiple rape scenes, displays of self-harm, and the scene where Hannah dies, as well as the overall ambiance of feeling alone at home and school. However, I believe that someone struggling with suicidal thoughts could potentially be triggered by any scene in the series, because we never truly know what is hurting somebody. My biggest concern for viewers who are struggling and watching this show is the suicide contagion effect, otherwise known as “copycat suicide." As reported in The Washington Post, a collaborative project between journalists and suicide prevention groups has issued recommendations for how to report on the subject, titled "Recommendations for Reporting on Suicide," which speak to the fact that the amount, duration, and prominence of suicide news coverage “can increase the likelihood of suicide in vulnerable individuals.” The report, which featured input from the American Association of Suicidology and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention also notes that it can be especially harmful when the media "uses dramatic/graphic headlines or images and repeated/extensive coverage sensationalizes or glamorizes a death.” This is why I find 13 Reasons Why especially triggering — because it’s more than a news report on somebody who dies by suicide. This is a whole television series where we watch Hannah’s life unfold and start to relate to her life before we are graphically shown her tragically dying. It makes me nervous to think about mentally unstable people watching this series because I know what it’s like to almost idolize or look up to someone who has died by suicide, and to try to justify it as being okay if I did the same thing that they did. A little bit before my 10th birthday, I lost my own father to suicide. And growing up a daddy’s girl, I looked up to my father in many different ways. Hearing that he had died by suicide, I immediately tried to justify it for myself, thinking, Well, parents always know what’s best, right? Wrong. It took me breaking down on the living room floor one morning before school and crying to my mom, “I just can’t take it! School, work, everything! I just wanna be with Dad again!” I was rushed to the hospital. Looking back, I wish I had had an open conversation with my mom before getting to that breaking point. That’s when they sat me down with a counselor and he talked everything out with me and told me I have major depression and chronic anxiety, and gave me medicine to help with it. Getting professional help was the best thing I’ve done for myself. From that point on, I realized that I needed to separate my thoughts from my dad’s actions, and be thankful for the amazing support system I had around me. I have been clean from self-harm ever since, but that was a time so low in my life. That being said, when I watched 13 Reasons Why, I felt immediately sunk back in. I watched Hannah move across the screen as slowly as I walked through the halls of the high school I was bullied in. I saw Hannah hide behind her hair similarly to how I sat in the back of my sophomore math class. The names Hannah got called are the names I hear echoing in the back of my head as I remember my friend Ally, who went through similar bullying and unfortunately died by suicide our junior year of high school. Maybe we could all see a small part of ourselves in one of the characters of the show, and it’s hard to watch when you know you’ve felt or still do feel the same way. Some say this series just shows the truth behind what’s happening today, which needs to be addressed. That is true: Mental illness needs to be addressed. However, I’m here to say that you are allowed to feel upset watching 13 Reasons Why. Your emotions are valid and warranted; it is very heavy material about real problems that real people face. I know that while I watched this series, I had panic attacks and cried myself to sleep multiple times. Everyone around me could tell that I wasn’t OK for weeks. So if you haven’t stayed up late binge-watching the series yet — or you’ve been skeptical about it or maybe just haven’t gotten around to it, I say take Shannon Purser’s words to heart and caution yourself first. And even if the show hasn’t impacted you tremendously, remember that for other people, it has. If you or someone you know is
contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention
at 800-273-8255 or text 'SOS' to 741741  Under
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at a party. It took me seven years to admit that to anyone;
now I just say it as fact. It is what happened to
me.