TALK TO KIDS
www.TheCitizensWhoCare.org
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about Sex
& Relationships
Most parents want to do their best in talking with their
kids about sex and sexuality, but we're often not sure how
to begin. Here's some advice.
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Tyra: Part 1
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Sex Summit: Part 1
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Tyra: Part 1
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Explore your own attitudes
Studies show that kids who feel they
can talk with their parents about sex -- because their moms
and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are
less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than
kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about
the subject. So explore your feelings about sex. If you are
very uncomfortable with the subject, read some books (see
Readings for Parents) and discuss your feelings with a
trusted friend, relative, physician, or clergy member. The
more you examine the subject, the more confident you'll feel
discussing it.
Even if you can't quite overcome your
discomfort, don't worry about admitting it to your kids.
It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm
uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never
talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk
about anything -- including sex -- so please come to me if
you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll
find out."
Start early
Teaching your children about sex
demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should
begin as early as possible -- for instance, when teaching
your toddler where his nose and toes are, include "this is
your penis" or "this is your vagina" in your talks. As your
child grows, you can continue her education by adding more
materials gradually until she understands the subject
well.
Take the initiative
If your child hasn't started asking
questions about sex, look for a good opportunity to bring it
up. Say, for instance, the mother of an 8-year-old's best
friend is pregnant. You can say, "Did you notice that
David's mommy's tummy is getting bigger? That's because
she's going to have a baby and she's carrying it inside her.
Do you know how the baby got inside her?" then let the
conversation move from there.
Talk about more than the "Birds and the Bees"
While our children need to know the
biological facts about sex, they also need to understand
that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and
responsibility. By discussing the emotional aspect of a
sexual relationship with your child, she will be better
informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer
pressure. If your child is a Preven, you need to include
some message about the responsibilities and consequences of
sexual activity. Conversations with 11 and 12-year-olds, for
example, should include talks about unwanted pregnancy and
how they can protect themselves.
One aspect that many parents overlook
when discussing sex with their child is dating. As opposed
to movies, where two people meet and later end up in bed
together, in real life there is time to get to know each
other -- time to hold hands, go bowling, see a movie, or
just talk. Children need to know that this is an important
part of a caring relationship.
Give accurate, age-appropriate information
Talk about sex in a way that fits the
age and stage of your child. If your 8-year-old asks why
boys and girls change so much physically as they grow, you
can say something like, "The body has special chemicals
called hormones that tell it whether to become a boy or a
girl. A boy has a penis and testicles, and when he grows
older his voice gets lower and he gets more hair on his
body. A girl has a vulva and vagina, and when she gets older
she grows breasts and her hips grow rounder."
Anticipate the next stage of development
Children can get frightened and
confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go
through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety,
talk with your kids not only about their current stage of
development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old
girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a
boy that age is ready to learn how his body will
change.
Communicate your values
It's our responsibility to let our
children know our values about sex. Although they may not
adopt these values as they mature, at least they'll be aware
of them as they struggle to figure out how they feel and
want to behave.
Talk with your child of the opposite sex
Some parents feel uncomfortable
talking with their child about topics like sex if the
youngster is of the opposite gender. While that's certainly
understandable, don't let it become an excuse to close off
conversation. If you're a single mother of a son, for
example, you can turn to books to help guide you or ask your
doctor for some advice on how to bring up the topic with
your child. You could also recruit an uncle or other close
male friend or relative to discuss the subject with your
child, provided there is already good, open communication
between them. If there are two parents in the household, it
might feel less awkward to have the dad talk with the boy
and the mom with the girl. That's not a hard and fast rule,
though. If you're comfortable talking with either sons or
daughters, go right ahead. Just make sure that gender
differences don't make subjects like sex taboo.
Relax
Don't worry about knowing all the
answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot
less important than how you respond. If you can convey the
message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your
home, you'll be doing just fine.
What's safe sex?
If two people have sexual intercourse
or oral sex and one of them has HIV or another sexually
transmitted disease, they could give it to their partner(s).
Doctors believe that if the man wears a latex condom
whenever he has intercourse, it helps to protect him and his
partner from giving each other HIV. That's why people call
sexual intercourse or oral sex with a latex condom "safer
sex."
Is it true that you can't get pregnant the first time that
you have sex?
No. You can get pregnant anytime you
have sexual intercourse. Wearing a latex condom, taking
birth control pills, or using other contraceptives are very
effective at preventing pregnancy. However, the only
absolute way to not get pregnant is to not have sex at all.
You might also use this question as an opportunity to point
out that not having sexual intercourse is a good idea for
teens. Help them understand there are other ways to show
affection.
Source: www.talkingwithkids.org/sex.html
Related Issue: Teenage
Sex: Can You Influence Your Child's
Decisions?
and
the Facts
of Life Phone Line
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Related topics:
Talking with Kids about Anything,
AIDS/HIV,
Alcohol/Drugs,
Violence
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